Lesson 16 of 30: Healing is a process and pain is a part of it.

Healing is a process. There are many layers to it, and feeling pain doesn’t always mean you’re regressing. Sometimes, it means you’re releasing. Be gentle with yourself.

For years, I believed I was healed from my past. I had prayed, cried, and forgiven. I had done the work. But when I moved to the United States, something happened that reopened a wound I did not realize was still there. My adopted mother stopped speaking to me for a while, and it ripped my heart to pieces.

The silence was unbearable. It wasn’t just about the distance or the lack of words. It touched something deeper. It awakened rejection wounds I thought were long gone. Suddenly, I felt like the little girl again who was given away by her biological mother. The one who learned to be strong to survive, who found safety in her adopted mother’s arms and called her “Mommy.” She was the one who raised me, and she is who I identify as my mother. So when that connection broke, even for a moment, it felt like my world fell apart.

I didn’t realize then that I was not regressing, I was releasing. God was bringing another layer to the surface.

When I met my fiancé, I was still tender and sensitive to abandonment. I didn’t recognize it right away, but I was reacting to things that weren’t even about him. The fear of being left again crept into our relationship, making me overthink and sometimes withdraw. It wasn’t because I didn’t love him, but because I was still healing. The part of me that learned to brace for rejection as a child was still learning how to rest in love as a woman.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” 

- Psalm 147:3

As a medical doctor, I’ve seen that healing is rarely linear. I recall assisting in a complex myomectomy where the patient began bleeding more than expected. We had to make the difficult decision to stop the procedure and return at a later stage, once her body had regained the strength to handle another operation. If we had continued, it could have caused irreversible damage.

God heals the same way. He knows exactly what to touch and when to touch it. He does not expose everything at once because He knows what our souls can handle. Sometimes, what looks like an incomplete healing is actually divine protection. Just as a surgeon pauses to preserve life, God pauses to preserve purpose. He goes layer by layer, ensuring that when the healing is complete, it will hold.

This five-year journey of intentional healing has taught me that wholeness takes time. God heals in layers. You think you’ve reached the end of a wound, and then He gently says, “There’s still more I want to make whole.” It’s not punishment. It’s love. Each layer reveals another opportunity to trust Him, to forgive deeper, to love wider, and to finally let go.

Pain isn’t always a sign that you’re going backward. Sometimes, it’s proof that you’re going deeper. God doesn’t reopen wounds to hurt you. He does it to heal you completely.

“Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” 

— Philippians 1:6

Today, I can say with peace in my heart that I have healed. I no longer view rejection as a reflection of my worth, but as redirection from God. What once shattered me now strengthens me. What once made me hide now helps me help others heal.

Healing is not a straight line. It is a sacred unraveling, the kind that teaches you to love yourself the way God does: patiently, intentionally, and completely.

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Conclusion

For my 30’s, I am choosing to honor the process. To let healing happen at God’s pace, not mine. To trust that every layer revealed is another layer restored. The same God who designed the body to heal over time designed the soul to do the same. Healing is not regression. It is release.

Now that you know, let’s grow,

– Kimrose🌹