Lesson 19 of 30: Unforgiveness leads to torment.

Unforgiveness is more than an emotion; it is a doorway. It begins as pain, grows into resentment, and if left unchecked, matures into control. At its root, unforgiveness reveals a heart that has lost trust in God’s ability to protect, vindicate, or defend.

When we refuse to forgive, what we are really saying is, “God, I do not trust You to handle this.” And when that distrust takes root, the heart begins to compensate. It reaches for control, manipulation, or withdrawal to create safety on its own terms. That is how the spirit of Jezebel finds access. Jezebel’s power thrives in places where trust in God has been replaced by self-preservation.

As believers, we cannot be possessed by evil spirits because we are possessed by the Holy Spirit. But we can still be persuaded or even counseled by demonic influences if we are not discerning and fail to cast down vain imaginations.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own.”

- 1 Corinthians 6:19.

I know the Jezebel spirit is spoken about often and usually associated with seduction, but can I express to you how deceiving that is? Seduction is merely a tactic; it is not the root. The root is bitterness and control. Jezebel accuses, twists, and manipulates truth to gain influence. That is why individuals deceived by this spirit, especially those bound by religious pride, often accuse others. It is not discernment; it is deflection. The spirit attacks others to distract from its own presence.

In the past two years, I experienced some of the hardest moments of my Christian walk. I faced rejection so deep it shook the foundation of my faith. The very people I thought God had vetted and sent into my life became the source of my deepest wounds. The places where He led me broke me in ways I did not think I could recover from.

I felt betrayed, not by people, but by God Himself. The way He moved, the direction He took me, felt like abandonment. I stopped trusting Him the way I did at the beginning. I started trying to control situations to make sure I never broke again. I told myself I was protecting my peace, but in truth, I was protecting my pain.

I had already shattered once, at the beginning of my walk, when I left everything behind to follow Him. I fasted for three years, surrendered my life, and allowed Him to rebuild me piece by piece. And just when I thought I was whole again, He led me into places that broke what we had built. It felt cruel, like starting over from nothing.

So I made a vow: I will never be hurt again.... But vows like that are dangerous. They seem like strength, but they are really fear wearing armor. They block healing and invite bondage. And that is where Jezebel thrives, in the spaces where our pain has been walled off from God.

Unforgiveness and bitterness are highways to Jezebel’s influence. They do not always look obvious. Sometimes they look like trying to manage every detail, over-explaining, overthinking, or constantly defending yourself. Other times they look like subtly controlling your environment or people to avoid pain.

At first, it feels justified. It feels wise. You tell yourself you are just protecting your peace. But deep down, the control comes from fear, fear that no one will protect you, understand you, or fight for you. Fear that if you let go, you will be hurt again.

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

- Hebrews 12:15

Bitterness changes how you see everything. It warps discernment into suspicion. It turns healthy boundaries into emotional walls. It convinces you that distance is safety when really, it is isolation.

And soon, you begin to manipulate outcomes, not always maliciously, but because you do not trust God to vindicate you. It becomes easier to plan revenge than to pray. Easier to withdraw than to confront. Easier to appear strong than to admit you are hurt.

That is how the enemy deceives, through pain that was never released.

I have learned that the Jezebel spirit does not just possess; it persuades. It whispers, “You have to handle this. You cannot let them win. You cannot let them see you weak.” And before long, pride, fear, and control start wearing the disguise of wisdom and strength.

But there is nothing stronger than surrender.

Forgiveness does not mean you approve of what happened; it means you remove the enemy’s access to your heart. It says, “God, I release them, because You saw it all and You are just.” Forgiveness is the act of stepping out of the driver’s seat and giving God permission to lead again.

“Be angry, and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”

- Ephesians 4:26–27

Forgiveness is deliverance. It is how you close every back door that bitterness left open.

What I thought was breaking me was actually remaking me. The pain that felt like betrayal was the pruning that prepared me for discernment. God used rejection to refine my hearing and rebuilt my trust in His character. He taught me that His silence was not abandonment; it was sanctification. And when I finally let go, I realized He had been protecting me the whole time.

Conclusion

For my 30’s, I am learning that unforgiveness is not protection; it is poison. Bitterness breeds bondage, but surrender breeds safety. When I let go and trust God to defend me, Jezebel loses her grip, and peace returns to its rightful place in my soul.

Now that you know, let’s grow,

– Kimrose🌹