Lesson 9 of 30: The opposite of love is not hate, it's fear

A lot has happened since I started this series. Many promises have already been fulfilled, and God has been faithful to usher me into a new season. But before my 30th year ends, I want to honor what I committed to: sharing 30 Things I Wish I Knew Before 30. This one is especially close to my heart because it is a lesson I am still learning in real time.

For the longest time, I believed the opposite of love was hate. That is what the world taught me. That if love pulls us close, hate pushes us away. That if love is soft, hate is hard. That love heals and hate harms.

But as I began healing, praying, and asking the Holy Spirit to search my soul, I realized hate is not the true enemy of love.

Fear is.

Fear is subtle. It does not always shout. Sometimes it comes dressed as wisdom, as caution, as control. It whispers: “Don’t get too close. Don’t be too vulnerable. Don’t try again.” But what it is really saying is: “Don’t love.”

Fear builds walls around the heart while pretending it is setting boundaries. It withholds, hesitates, hides. It shrinks when love asks us to show up. It overthinks when love asks us to trust. And while fear may disguise itself as strength, it is really the force that keeps us from experiencing the very things we were created for.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”

(1 John 4:18).

That scripture exposed me. Because what I feared most was not just failure or rejection. It was the cost of vulnerability. The what-ifs. The ache of obedience, which is love according to John 14:15, without a guarantee. But perfect love, God’s love, does not wait for guarantees. It does not shrink back. It does not hedge its bets. It enters boldly, fully, freely.

Over this past summer, God’s promises started to manifest through storms and birth pangs. What looked like breaking was really birthing. And even in the middle of fulfillment, fear has tried to creep back in. Fear still whispers at the edge of promise: “You will mess this up. You are not enough. Do not step forward.”

But here is the revelation: the opposite of love is not hate, it is fear. And if God is love, then fear is ultimately a rejection of His presence. That is why Israel could stand at the border of the Promised Land and still see giants instead of grapes, threats instead of promises.

Fear makes us bury talents. It delays callings. It forfeits destinies. Not through hate, but through hesitation.And here is what God is pressing on my heart: I cannot afford to surrender my talents to fear. I do not want to reach the end of my life and say, “Lord, I knew You were good, but I was afraid.”

No. Love demands more. Love compels me to step boldly even when trembling. Love calls me to trust that if He has already parted the waters, He will surely carry me into the land.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you.”

(Deuteronomy 31:6)

So for my 30s, I choose to walk into promise without fear. I refuse to bury what God has placed in me. I choose to love Him enough to trust Him, to risk obedience, to let perfect love cast out every shadow.

Because the truth is, the land is already ours. The only question is whether we will love Him enough to step into it, and most importantly, trust Him to love us enough to be with us every step of the way.

Now that you know, let’s grow,

– Kimrose 🌹