VII: Your Boundaries Are Your Instructions, Not Their Restriction.

There’s a silent grief that comes with walking away from family, friends, places, and even mindsets that once felt like home. It’s a type of ache that isn't quite easy to put in words, like an unspoken sorrow of some sort, the kind that desires to knot itself around the heart. When I made the decision to step away for a season, it wasn’t out of anger or bitterness, but out of obedience to The One who made up His mind to heal me, body, spirit, and, very notably, soul. I realized that trying to please people who are still in the cycle you’re trying to break out of is not love --it’s bondage.

For years, I danced around expectations, tiptoeing between my own convictions and their comfort. I tried to be the good daughter, the loyal friend, the one who kept the peace even when my soul was unraveling. I convinced myself that if I just loved them enough, if I just prayed hard enough, if I just sacrificed a little more, things would change. But the truth is, you can’t heal in the same environment that broke you, and you can't play dress up as a savior and expect peace. The Sometimes, you have to leave the familiar to your freedom.

So, I had to make the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I had to walk away. Not just from people, but from places and patterns that kept me tethered to what I was trying to outgrow. I had to stop trying to rescue people who were comfortable in chaos. I had to stop bleeding out for environments that weren’t ready for healing. I had to stop believing I could find my wings while staying chained to what was breaking me.

It was during this season that God revealed something profound to me: boundaries aren’t about telling people what they should or shouldn’t do. They are about telling me what I will not participate in. They are not instructions for them, they are instructions for me. I used to think that setting a boundary meant I was giving people a list of requirements for how to handle me. But boundaries are not weapons, they are wisdom. They are the walls that protect the garden of my peace. I had to walk away from places where peace could not be made or maintained. From conversations that kept circling the same mountain of brokenness with no desire for deliverance. From friendships that only knew how to connect through crisis and chaos. From mindsets that whispered, “This is as good as it gets". I had to unlearn survival so I could step into abundance.

The Word makes it plain:

Can two walk together, except they be agreed?

Amos 3:3

I had to accept that I couldn’t walk in freedom while tethered to dysfunction. I couldn’t pursue healing while being pulled back into old patterns. I realized that boundaries are not about controlling others; they are about controlling me. Boundaries are my personal instructions, my declaration of what I will and will not participate in. It is not my job to change anyone, it is my responsibility to partner with God in obedience to Him as He protects me. Walking away wasn’t the absence of love, it was the beginning of real love. Not only love for my own soul and my peace, but love for and stewardship of the woman God is calling me to become and the purpose within me for God's glory.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is walk away from what’s familiar to step into what’s promised. Abraham had to leave his father’s house to inherit the land God had for him. Ruth had to leave Moab to find her destiny. Even Jesus left His earthly family and hometown to fulfill His divine assignment.

And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.

Matthew 19:29

I had to step back and let God step in. I had to get out of the way so He could be their Savior, not me. I was never called to carry the weight of their healing. It doesn’t mean I stopped loving them. It means I stopped losing myself in them. I stopped sacrificing my peace for their comfort is dysfunction. I stopped denying my growth to maintain their normal.

But it wasn’t just people, it was places as well. Sometimes you have to leave places where your soul can no longer breathe. Sometimes, it’s the city that saw your breaking but refuses to recognize your healing. Sometimes it’s the church that only knows you by your past and not your promise. Sometimes it’s that familiar space that only remembers who you were, not who you are becoming. I had to step out of rooms that only spoke to my history when I was desperately trying to step into my destiny.

And then there were mindsets. The hardest prisons to escape are the ones we build within ourselves. The thoughts that say, “This is all there is,” or “You have to stay for them to get better.” I had to break the inner vow that said I couldn’t leave until they were healed. I had to release the belief that I was the glue holding everything together. I am not the glue. I am a seed. And sometimes, the seed has to be planted somewhere else to grow.

CONCLUSION

For my 30s, I’m choosing freedom. I’m choosing healing. I’m choosing to walk away. Not out of bitterness, but out of obedience. Because sometimes the only way to walk freely is to walk away. Boundaries are not a wall to keep people out; they are a door that allows me to step out of what no longer aligns with the woman God is calling me to be. I’m learning to leave places that break me, people that drain me, and mindsets that imprison me. Not because I don’t love them, but because I finally love me.

Now that you know, let’s grow,

– Kimrose🌹