VIII: Fear Wears Many Faces & Procrastination is one of them.

I heard a definition of procrastination the other day that made me sit up straight. It wasn’t soft or sugar-coated—it was sobering.

“Procrastination is the arrogant assumption that God owes you another opportunity to do what you had time to do.”

Ouch. It was true and I knew it. Deep in my spirit, I knew I had been walking in that assumption, unknowingly treating God’s mercy as if it were permission to delay obedience. I wasn’t waiting anymore, I was hiding.

You see, ever since my birthday, I’ve been fighting a quiet battle. I’ve felt God calling me out again - to relaunch, step back onto social media, offer my voice, my knowledge and my healing gift as a medical doctor, counseling psychologist, Christian life coach, and most notably as a daughter of God. But instead of stepping forward, I stayed stuck. I labeled it “strategy” or “discernment” but really, it was fear.

Fear of failure.

Fear of rejection.

And maybe… fear of success.

Because what if I actually became everything God said I was? What if people watched? What if they criticized? What if I were seen again? What if I do it, then it goes well and I like it, and then I lose it all again. It's better to stay hidden and stuck than try and fall again. Healing was from what was is a process I am thankful for but would rather not go through again.

I’ve spent years studying the body, soul, and spirit. I know what trauma does to the mind, what stress does to the womb, and what emotional weight can do to your skin, your organs, your identity. But what I’ve learned the hardest is this: you can’t study or plan your way out of fear. You have to face it. And you have to obey God even when your hands are trembling.

“If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land.” (Isaiah 1:19)

That verse didn’t say confident and obedient. It said willing. Willingness is the soil that grows fruit. And I had been willing in theory, but disobedient in practice. God gave me the blueprint. He gave me the content, the credentials, and the call. But I let fear write the schedule.

The thing about procrastination is that it often wears spiritual clothes. We tell ourselves, “I’m praying about it.” But the truth is, we’ve already heard from God, we just don’t want to act without certainty of success, success the way we understand it to look.

For me, it looked like endless “tweaking” of my website, focusing on the nitty gritty and brainstorming. I brainstormed and planned, and when the time came to show up, there was one reason or another that distracted me, either it was a matter of not honoring my boundaries or the familiarity of negative self-talk and subsequent paralysis.

I stalled my Instagram posts. Rewriting captions I never posted. It looked like buying pieces of my YouTube set up over 3 years, finally getting a burst of strength and inspiration to set up my YouTube studio to perfection in one day, and 3 weeks later, still not actually filming anything because I was trying to "grasp the fullness of the vision".

In retrospect, what I was trying to make sure I was safe, that's what. The face of fear looked like insecurity disguised as preparation. But God saw through it all. He wasn’t asking me to be polished, He was asking me to be present. "Show up Kimrose, give me something to bless". Perhaps you are waiting on God to bless you and He is waiting on you.

Today, I did something that felt simple but sacred. I launched my medical practice Instagram page @Dr.Kimrose. Not because I felt 100% ready. Not because all the mental warfare stopped, (in fact di ting tun up..) But, I did it because I refused to delay obedience any longer. I don’t want to miss my moment because I was waiting for fear to leave or waiting for concrete, absolute instructions from God. I want fear to find me moving.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” (Psalm 56:3)

There’s something powerful about stepping out while afraid. It breaks the agreement with fear. It tells the enemy that your obedience is not up for negotiation. That even if your knees are knocking, your heart still belongs to God.

No longer shall we live in delay.

Let us not call fear “wisdom,” or procrastination “preparation.” Let us stop labeling disobedience as “God told me to wait” when He has already said go. We cannot keep waiting for the fear to leave before we move, because often, the fear only leaves when we leave and turn to the Love of God that says He has made up His mind to be about us no matter how it looks or feels because when He sees a believer He sees His Son Jesus Christ in us.

Let us break out of the lies of the enemy and the lies of our own weary soul. Yes, our soul that is just trying to protect itself, but ends up sabotaging our progress. Let us refuse to bow to fear disguised as timing. Let us walk in obedience now. The kind that honors God in the middle of uncertainty. The kind that chooses movement even when the clarity hasn’t come. The kind that trusts grace will meet us not before the step, but in the step.

Because now is the time to step into the fullness of our purpose.

Conclusion:

So for my 30s, I’m breaking the grip of fear that dresses itself as delay. I’m choosing to move forward even when I don’t feel qualified. I’m choosing to obey the instruction of God even when it’s uncomfortable. Procrastination is no longer my covering. Obedience is. And I trust that God will meet me on the path of purpose, even if I get there one trembling step at a time.

Now that you know, let’s grow,

– Kimrose🌹